09.07.07
I’m not dead… yet
Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
I just wanted to do a quick post to let you know I’m alive. I’ve been busy w/ work, school, and creating layouts since Simply Precious hosted me. 
I have lots to blog about but I don’t have time tonight. Maybe this weekend I’ll take moment to write a long post!
09.02.07
You Know
Friday night:
I received a message back from my friend. I have a bad habit of preparing for the worse, but the response wasn’t bad at all.
It is good hearing from you. I understood what you were saying in your emails i just didn’t understand the context they were wrote in. I felt hurt by your words considering we were best friends. I am sorry for the things you were going through at the time but no matter what it was you could have talked to me and i would have been there for you. I do understand everybody needs a break from things sometimes but i wish we could have took a break from each other on different terms then ending being so mad. I could never figure out how some emails out of nowhere got turned into loosing a good friendship. But the past is the past and i am over it, we were to good of friends to let this take us down. I am glad you wrote me and i hope we can be friends again.
so anywho
vacation and my birthday were fun and everybody is doing good same ol same ol.
I just replied back with this:
You know me… I’m just…. umm… complicated. lol I guess ultimately there was no real communication (just hear me out) and I know… look at me, the pot calling the kettle black. If you think about it, majority of what we do is based on our assumptions. That Saturday you assumed it wouldn’t matter and I assumed that you would have been there earlier. It wasn’t just that, but when we make plans and it gets changed because you wanted to sleep in and take that bath a tad bit too long
You know me well enough to know I have that tough 20 mile thick outer exterior, so a lot of times I don’t talk about it because I will usually brush it off and keep on trucking and it takes somebody to smack me to get it out of me. I don’t like dealing w/ some things and I would say this is one them. Think about it, when I piss you off what do you usually do? Being called a fuck face comes to mind, I remember one time you hung on me and then didn’t talk to me for a while… god knows what I did to piss you off. Same thing for me, I get pissed I usually will ignore you for awhile, you may not know or understand why. How is it w/ you and *******? When she pisses you off, what do you usually do? Do you tell her? Or do you end the conversation, call somebody and vent on them? I think you know how she is, you know how she’s going to react, and for the most part, you probably don’t want to deal with it, so you vent on a neutral party because you know what you’re going to say won’t get back to them because you know if you were to tell her it could jeopardize the friendship and you didn’t want to risk it. This is all my perception, maybe it’s different now. I knew how you were going to react but I figured last week that you deserved to know what was going through mind (scary thought!). I also know that you would understand because you are one of the few people that does get me. Lol Like ****** says, I’m psychotic.
Like I said, I just needed a break to figure some things out. C’mon, did you really think this could ruin a friendship? We survived *******!! lol
Well, I’m going to take some Tylenol cold nighttime, I feel like crap. Also to watch some Scrubs… my newest obsession!!!
What do you think? The message doesn’t show up in my sent box, though… hm… I wonder if it went through correctly.
I haven’t really been feeling well today. I’ve been sneezing all day 
, and for those that don’t know, it’s usually a bad sign when I sneeze. I went out this morning and did a little grocery shopping. I shouldn’t have went hungry because I ended up spending 60 bucks more than planned. 
I almost had a panic attack there too!! LOL I have been craving some home made chilli for a while now, so I decided to make some for my Sunday dinner.
Sunday dinner is a family tradition, brought to you by my wonder parents. During the week is usually when we don’t have time to make a nice cooked meal so we agree to either make something easy or go get some fast food. However, on Sunday, to start out each week we would make a special dinner. We go all out, too. Since then, each of the kids continue this as well. I’m sure we’re not the only family that does that, though.
I went there to get Chilli Magic and to only find out they discontinued it! I called my dad throwing a fit 
because I didn’t know how to make home made chilli w/out the chilli magic. Nothing really special about this chilli magic, it just has all the seasoning w/ the kidney beans with it. So, I got some chilli mixes, bought some kidney beans, 4 1/2 pounds of meat (wow!), and a pound of sausage. I got home and cooked the meat w/ the sausage meat and then let it cook in the crock pot. It turns out really good. 
After that, the whole family came over and helped carry the tred-mil and bike. I’m going to start an exercise routine and get some of this extra weight off of me. 
08.30.07
Suck up my pride
//EDIT: 12:32 PM, Sept 1st: I’ve been thinking, I really would like to be on another website, like being hosted. The reason why is so I have more freedom with my own layouts, added content, and add things to wordpress that I can’t on here. I really don’t have the money to get my own domain, so that is why I’m looking to be hosted. If anybody is interested, please leave a comment. You may be interested in my history in webdesigning, I’ll more than happy to explain what I’ve done via email.
So… I did it. Simply Precious, I think you may be the only person who knows about what happened between me and my friend. To everybody else, long story short: I got fustrated, told her things that was bothering me, she didn’t like it, we haven’t talked for 5 months. Which I am still bothered for the fact that she hasn’t talked to me, I mean… if we’re suppose to be best friends, she should of atleast made the attempt to smack me and see what the hell is going on. But she’s not like that… she’s stubborn like me.
Anywho… I was sitting here thinking (scary) and realized that since that huzzy got fired I pretty much lost a lot of my work friends because for some reason they believe all the bullshit she is spoon feeding them. Bullshit is not yummy kids! Bleh!! Really, my only friend is my workfriend… not really complaining about that though. 
He’s been having a bad week. 
So, I decided to message her on myspace (being that it was around 11pm when I was thinking). I sent a simple, to the point message. I guess you can say it’s a “closure” message. It wasn’t mean, just kind of clarified some things I wanted to get off my chest.
I know that I’m probably the last person you would want to hear from, but I wanted to say something before heading off to bed to enjoy another day at work. What I said was how I felt and just fustration with a lot of things going on, it just ended up seeming like I was lashing out but I wasn’t. I think ultimately I needed some time, a break from some things – not just you.
I hope everything is going well with everybody and you enjoyed your vacation and birthday.
Oh yeah… I know you noticed but it wasn’t on purpose that you got deleted. I was fixing the deleted profiles and I wasn’t paying attention and half of my friends list was deleted. So.. considering what was going on, I just left it alone for awhile.
So anywho… take care.
Angela
I know deleting her from my list would add SO MUCH fuel to the fire that I’d figure I let that out in the message. While looking at her page, I also noticed that the girl she use to hate seems to be good buddy buddies now with her. Hmph… makes me want to gag. Yeah… there are things that still bother me. In the end, the ball is in her court. I said what i wanted to say for several months now, we’ll see what happens.
08.27.07
The Weekend Woes
** This is a long post! Be prepared by getting a glass of tea and some popcorn!
Someone mentioned in an earlier post what is “PC”. PC stands for polictically correct. My definiton, that is related to work, means not stepping out of line and playing along with the company’s rules and sayings like a thoughtless puppet while they are pulling the strings. LOL
////Saturday, August 25th
We had a family dinner and I never realized how much I feel like I’m adopted until tonight. LOL Firstly, I forgot the time we were suppose to be there. I thought it was 5PM and it turned out to be 3PM. My mom calls me around 2:10 to tell me something and mentions the dinner, and I told her I had plenty of time to get ready and be there and she told me that it’s at 3pm not 5pm. So…. I hung up with, took a shower, got ready, and flew out the door in 35 minutes. 
When I got there they were teasing me on the blouse I was wearing that it was too bright. I flicked them off and told them to wear sunglasses if it’s a problem. 
I went to go smoke w/ my brother and sister and was pretty much left behind. At first, I wasn’t even asked to go with them until my sister asked if I would watch the kids and then was like.. oh… did you want to smoke with us? Then I was waiting for my sister to give me a cig, but instead she and everybody else smoked theirs and then she remembered to give me a cig, so I was left to smoke by myself while they went back inside. My neices fought over my camera and finally the picture taking privelige was taken away when my neice decided to take pictures of my boobs. WHY?!?!!?! She is obsessed with boobs for some odd reason. Afterwards, some of my dessert decided to relocate themselves within, around, and inbetween my boobs. I was not taking the chocolate and rubbing it all around them like some porno, I think the spoon just had trouble with the flight to my mouth. 
So, I had to go clean up the mess, and of course, my neice was right there watching. It’s just a little freaky for me that a girl at this age (7) knows so much about sex and boobs (and the obsession!) that it makes me wonder what the home life is like with the parents… really, it does. Afterwards, I came home, cleaned up a bit, and watched Bridge To Teribithia (sp?). That movie made me cry… 
I also watched Zoom earlier in the day, that was a funny one. I’m on this movie kick right now, I can’t explain it. LOL
///Sunday, August 26th
Today is my mom’s birthday. I called her around 11AM, to wish her a happy birthday, and she was watching Dad build this thing and drinking a bloody marry. Anybody remember The Babysitters Club? I use to read the books when I was younger. Well, a few weeks ago I recorded the movie on my DVR and realized I had it this morning. I haven’t seen the movie in such a long time! I never realized how many young stars were in it. Now, I’m doing some fall cleaning. Getting rid of PJs, underwear, socks, and clothes that I don’t wear or worn out. I didn’t realize until I start going through my dressers but I have three drawers full of PJs!! I also had two drawers of underwear! I made a nice dinner, and brought some into work for me and my workfriend.
///Monday, August 27th
I started the day with having a stupid convo w/ my sup. She wanted to lecture me about not getting something done. But yet, she wants to explain that she understands that I’m doing a job for two people and understand I’m behind on my work… but yet I need to get my work done. When explaining all the things I’m behind on, she tells me I need to let her know to help out. I explained to her that she is already understaffed in processing and she’s helping them why would I try to load all my work on her too. (I also brought up the fact that she pitched a fit about me wanting to buy folders for work and that another co-worker can order them. I argued back that they have been too busy and I didn’t want to bother them. She tells me to not buy them and they’ll get ordered that day and low and behold…. THEY DID NOT GET ORDERED!!!) She goes on saying that she is the supervisor and that is what she is there for. So I give her the things that I’m behind on to handle and she only takes care of the simple things and leaves the hardest and time consuming stuff for me to do. The things she did would have took me no time to do, so she saved me like 30 mins but still left me to handle the ones that takes HOURS to do. How is that helping me? She then explains that I should be lucky she handled it because she’s behind on her work. I told her, Now let’s go back to this morning where I told that I wasn’t going to ask for help since you’re behind on your work because you’re helping out on processing. Cause.. I swear I said something about it and you said NNNNNOOOOOOOOO Angela you need to let me handle these. Pfft. 
Come to find out my workfriend is flat out broke. I came to him on Thursday going over my money and figuring on what I’m paying on this check. I asked him, do you need money? (I swear… we’re not married) and he says, no. I made a point that I’m relying on him to get the loan out to cover my rent and I’m paying ALL my bills on this check. He agrees and we go on our marry little ways. Cut to today, now he’s broke. 
He tells me that he might need a loan from cash advance to hold him over until next week. W T F ? ? I asked, when did you know that you wouldn’t have money? We just got paid 5 days ago. He said on payday. I about jumped down his throat, “Why did you NOT tell me this. Why are you not telling me your plan? I tell you my plan, you tell me yours, that way were both insync with each other and atleast one of us has enough money to get the other person by?!?!” (again: not married!) He says cause he was trying to keep me out of my withdrawal protection (it’s this extra money the bank gives you to have in case you need it) because he knows how I don’t like going into it (they charge you for it each time you go into it) and that he was trying to be a big boy and do the right thing. (awww) So I told him that he needs to be telling me things so I can move money around, I also told him I would go into the funds if necessary but I usually can mingle money from somewhere to cover the weeks. He said that he’s probably going to get it b/c he needs to pay two bills with it. Both equal to about 60 bucks. So, I explained to him that I have money set aside that can cover the bills, I have some cash at home that you can have, I have some frozen dinners I don’t want that you can have, and about 120 that can hold us until monday/tuesday and if I have it we’ll go into the funds then. This plan would work and would save him a lot of money on fees. Knowing his dumbass, he’ll stop by in the morning and get a cash advance.
So, we both left work and he stopped by my place. I walked in and this stinch bitched slapped me in the face! The trash hasn’t been taken out, I completely forgot about it this morning! And it smelled TERRIBLE!!! The cat box needed to be clean, so that just added another layer of a disgusting smell. So, before he got over I rushed and picked up a bit, took the trash out, cleaned up the dishes but it wasn’t enough. I opened the door and explained that it’s possible he may pass out. LOL He walked in and said… hmmm… smells like my apartment. Either he was just trying to be nice or has a disgusting apartment! LOL I gave him a South Beath Diet wrap for dinner and some money. He had a shot of crown, we discussed movies and how much I love Dr. Cox in Scrubs (LOL), and then he left.
Now I have to prepare for the remainder of the week. Oh yeah… that girl decided she didn’t want the job so now it’s the #2 pick which I’m not too happy about. It’s funny how my sup doesn’t tell me any of this, or any of the inside scoop but my workfriend does. He was the one that told me what was going on with the first girl, when she decided to think about the job, when she declined the job, and now who we are hiring. She thinks I don’t know anything about what all happened… but I do. 
08.24.07
What about…
Well this week has been exhausting in every way possible.
I spent the first four days assisting with interviews. I sit with the applicants and go over the job with them after the interview that my supervisor and workfriend puts them through. I kind of play the wild card where I act as no one important and kind of potray the ‘friend’ that has no influence on the job decision. I ask them questions, get them comfortable around me, and see who they really are. We all know in an interview you’re selling yourself so the real doesn’t come out. There was one that stood out the most, all three of us agreed she was the best candidate. She originally applied for another position in the company but there was a problem with the hours. She is a religious girl and the hours affected her bible classes. So, they tossed her to us to do an interview. Turns out the other department gave her the offer for the job but then withdrew it because they felt that her religion would end up effecting her with her job. Kind of discriminating, huh? So, we offered her the job and yesterday she accepted it. Today, she tells us she needs to think about the position and let us know on Monday her decision. WTF?! I really would perfer her to get the job because what I believe is the next pick is someone that I don’t quite get a warm and fuzzy feeling. However, I don’t get the final decision but something about her rubbed me wrong. I don’t know why, so I’m hoping the girl decides to accept the job. If not, oh well… nothing I can do about it but train her.
I got paid yesterday and it was a nice check. Almost $1200 bucks! I went out and went shopping. 
I got some things I needed at Wal-Mart and of course, Lane Bryant. I actually saved 170 bucks at LB. WOW! I bought to movies, Are We Done Yet? and Wild Hogs. The main reason why I bought Are We Done Yet? is because it has John C MCGinley in it. If don’t know, he’s Dr. Cox in Scrubs. I love him! He was awesome in the movie, too. I watched Wild Hogs tonight and guess what? He has a small part in this movie!!!!! I about hit the ceiling! It was a funny part too. He was skinny dipping w/ the guys and I can only dream if that was his real ass that I saw. LOL
I started class this week and I need to start working on it. I ran out of a certain color ink and paper. I also enrolled in another class that is at my work. I should be staying busy now, it’ll keep me out of trouble. ;) My workfriend also enrolled in a college class and one at work too.
This weekend I have a dinner to go to w/ my family. My mom’s birthday is on Sunday and my sister-n-law has a birthday sometime this month. lol I can’t keep up w/ all these birthdays. What’s funny is they don’t expect it from me, they know that I forget and frankly, don’t really care. LOL I know that sounds rude, but I have a lot of stuff going on and I’m a loner, so they don’t really expect me to go to alot of these get togethers and stuff.
Anywho… I think I’ll do some school work.
08.19.07
Family Times
Nothing special happening at work. My supervisor has several interviews lined up for the job I’m filling in now. Which means I have to be on my best behavior and all PC because they will sit with me for 15 mins. Ugh… I hate being PC — it’s so not me. My workfriend has to fill in tomorrow morning because I’m my mom’s ride while she gets a procedure done. He through a fit, but in the end, I said how it’s going to be and that is how it’s going to be.
Saturday we had a cookout for my brother in law. It was his 30th birthday and the whole family and then some was there. I had a lot of fun. Got to hang out with my cousins that I haven’t really hung out with in years. My, oh my the conversations we had. Mostly about sex and vibrators. LOL This wasn’t a female only conversation, all the guys were into this conversation too… which was odd since it my was brother and dad. Kind of eeewwww but funny at the same time.
A cousin of my brother in law stopped by too. Several years back me and him were ‘talking’, I guess trying to make it into a relationship but for whatever reason we just didn’t totally click. He started dating this girl that was dating his brother. Yeah, you read that right. Not only that, but they were together for about 9 years and have two children. 
She split with him to be with his brother. They got together and got married! So the kids are to him as uncle and step-father. This is some Jerry Springer shit here! LOL The guy is attractive, don’t get me wrong. He’s built, blonde hair, long eye lashes, blue eyes, tattoos, nice tan… 
However, he’s had a long history of sex, drugs, and rock n roll – minus the rock n roll since he doesn’t like that music. He’s been in jail, when he was released, he was supposely “reformed” christian and then eventally went back to how he was…. all talk, partier, and a drug addict. The things I know about him….. it’ll make you blush… 
Anywho… somewhere down the line of becoming a drug addict, selling drugs, ruining his relationship with his brother, and getting married he got seriously addicted to heroine. He confronted his wife, stating that he needs help and wants to get his life back on track. For the first week, the wife was on his side helping him and thereafter it change. She became a complete bitch and accusing him of still doing drugs and so on. Eventually she ended up asking for a divorce.
Now we’re back to Saturday night. It was nice seeing him, even though he was dealing with a lot of drama and txt-arguements (really… PICK UP THE PHONE AND LASH IT OUT) He kept insisting on me to drink a lot w/ him and stay the night. I didn’t want to for many reasons. 1: I just rather sleep in my own bed! 2: I didn’t bring a change of clothes and 3: I didn’t shave… When I did finally leave, I realized something… I’m not really into him. Yeah he is FINE but his attitude and his ego is enough for him to be in a relationship to himself. His past history w/ drugs, I’m sorry I’m being negative, but I don’t see him staying clean. The only reason why he was before was because he was jail. However, he’s funny as hell and crazy – just like me! LOL He’s always been very nice to me and respected me. Everytime I see him, he’ll always make a point to give me a hug and talk to me a little before going back to his ‘homies’.
When I heard of everything going on in his life, I sometimes think things would be different if I was that girl (seriously, I’ve seen this girl… it’s a mirror image of me) but at the same time, I’m glad I’m not that girl.
Simply Precious, Jennifer, Cassie, Shelly, Kari, Teelia, Emz, Joana, Lauren, Irene
08.15.07
The Humpday List
Several things that I have noticed…
1 - The alarm clock is the worst sound. EVER. I shutter at the sound of it even on commericals, tv shows, or movies.
2 – My main email account rarely ever gets SPAM, but my secondary account that no one knows about gets raped daily.
3 – I just got my college book for my next class. I’m taking web designing and I will do some bodily damage to myself if I don’t get an A. Not that I’m obsessing to have a high GPA, but it’s the fact that I’ve been doing webdesigning for such a long time I should know most of all these things. I skimmed through the book and I was critiqueing (??) it. I’m not going into this class that I know everything though. When I took a microsoft class, I did learn some things. So, I’m going into this class with an open mind, because I do wish to learn more about HTML in general and the proper coding. Cause god knows I use to half ass it.
4 – When you have to go to the bathroom in a public area, let’s say work… you never realize how long a minute can be when you have to go “number 2″ and are waiting for the person in the next stall to vacate the bathroom. LOL Odd subject, yes… but c’mon I know we’ve experienced it! Don’t be shy!! I think guys really don’t care, but us women like to enjoy this pleasant function by ourselves.
5 – It pisses me off when someone comes to me and says “I know your busy but…” Thank you for acknowledging that I have a lot on my plate right now and I am glued to my chair with work out the ass but since you took the time to appreciate my work load let me stop and handle what you want me to do.
6 – There are way too many artists out there covering the song Umbrella by Rihanna. It’s a nice song, but damn not that nice. I just so happen to like Rihanna’s version and whenever I hear the other people’s cover of the song, I can still hear the original being played. I really don’t like that… keep the original as it is!!! Why do a cover that is out now, do a cover in the past damnit!
7 – My workfriend still drives me crazy.
8 – I think it’s pathetic that people will use my links to put on their music blog. I took the time to upload those albums/songs, atleast you can do is give me a little credit. I don’t care that they post it, it helps keep the links alive, but give credit where credit is do!!!
08.12.07
As weekend comes to a close…
Let’s see…. last week was boring and exhausting. I blew all my money and then realized on Friday that my supervisor is having a bridal shower. Whoopsies!! I remembered why I forgot about it, I wasn’t planning on going. I know, I know… I’m such a bad co-worker, but I really couldn’t afford going to both. I know that I spent money on myself on Thursday, but damnit I deserve it!!! 
Plus, I had a feeling that the girl that was fired was going to show up. This girl is unbelievable. She has called and txt my supervisor numorous times since she’s been fired. She thinks someone planted those checks in her drawers. Ugh… she plays this stupid I’m the victim act and I just want to slap her.
Anywho, I came home and cleaned. I didn’t want my place to be messy when my workfriend stops by later. He stopped by around 10:30PM, chit chat a little bit, and then left.
On Saturday, I went and got a pedicure and manicure with my mom. I took the money my workfriend gave me and paid for it. The color I picked was a bright blue color. LOL I wanted something flashy. I went out to lunch with her afterwards. Then for the rest of the day I regretted eating it. Me and her we’re talking and she told me that me and my workfriend are pretty much dating. I told her that we’re married, we forgot to have the wedding… hell of party though. She said that she’s going to start inviting him to all the family functions since he’s the son in law. LOL Later I was telling her that me and him are very indepedent, we like our freedom. She goes, “How can you two be independent when you both are dependent on each other?!” I just looked at her and thought damnit! and then switched subjects. LOL
Today, I went to work and finished up some odds and ends of my work and then filed. Ugh… *^%&$%@#$@!! filing. I hate filing with a passion. I pretty much caught the filing up to this month though. I ran out of folders, so I couldn’t finish the filing. Oh well! Afterwards, I went to the grocery store. It cracks me up seeing some people there. When I decide to “bum” it, I dedicate to the bummy outfit. Not like a nice outfit, but the hair isn’t done. Not the bummy outfit, but the hair and make is done. The full package, bummy not matching outfit, messy hair, and no make up. I commit damnit! However, some people are a little confused with being sloppy. One lady wore this red sundress that just didn’t compliment her body type. It didn’t look bad, but it didn’t look appealing either. The hair was pulled up, not a cute look for her… definitely can’t pull it off. To complete this outfit was a nice fluffy white but dirty bedroom slippers.
After spending the last of my money, I called my workfriend to remind him to pick me up at the dealership tomorrow morning. I left him a voice mail, I’m pretty sure he was somewhere and saw me calling and thought “uughh… it’s her again.” LOL About an hour or later he txt me “I no furgeet eight am” He hates txting. He can’t understand the concept, can’t do it right, and my god it takes like 45 minutes to even complete a message to txt. Which explains why I didn’t hear anything back after I called him. LOL I replied back to him saying he needed to learn how to spell. LOL
Now I’m going to clean the apartment, again. I can dirty up this place really quick! He’s suppose to stop by tomorrow…. again.
08.09.07
What I Didn’t Say
I got paid today and now I’m broke! Woohooo!!!! I paid all my bills, put money aside, and then spent some money on myself. I needed to spend some money on me, I haven’t went out and got some new clothes in months! I went to Lane Bryant and spent some $$$!! The clothes there are so nice and compliment so well to any full figured woman. However, it can be a bit expensive but I think it’s well worth it. I remember a few years back when the store was new in our area not many people shopped there, but now… everybody does. I’m surprised I was able to stretch this paycheck to cover so much… you got to love overtime!
I haven’t been staying late at work every night because it was too exhausting for me. 
I needed some time for myself, so I worked straight through the day (no lunch break) and leave when I’m suppose to. Let’s me eat dinner at a decent hour and get some rest. I’m planning to work some extra hours on Sunday. I’m getting a lot of things caught up on the girl’s old job. I’ve been able to keep up with it too and still get a little of my stuff done here and there. What can I say, I’m a good multi-tasker. Since I have no neighbors around me, I’m able to zone in and do my work without no interuptions. My section moved to the other side of the department (thank god!) so it’s only me and my manager. He’s usually busy in meetings, and lately HR, that there isn’t time to chit chat. He’s working and I’m working and it’s a beautiful thing.
I talked to my workfriend about an hour ago (he’s traveling again). He was a little buzzed. He answered it singing to me. I swear, if you listen to our conversation you would really think we were married. It was me nagging and bitching and him arguing and then agreeing with everything I say.
Anyway, I’m going to end this with lryics of a song that I’m in love with right now. It’s called What I Didn’t Say by Saving Jane. Her album is out now, but you can download and preview it on my music blog.
secrets told in the pictures on your skin
hours fade in the days that never end
i see myself reflected in your eyes
and i hate the way im wearin all these liesso let you go and i watch you leave
and i hold my breath so you dont hear me scream
when you walk away
but the words are only in my head
its not what i said
its what i didnt sayis she everything you wanted her to be?
yeah,i bet she never breaks your heart like me
so its one more night i cover up with you
and i hate myself for what i didnt doso let you go and i watch you leave
and i hold my breath so you dont hear me scream
when you walk away
but the words are only in my head
its not what i said
its what i didnt sayshould’ve known better now all i got left is this permanent stain
the only part of you i get to keep forever to prove
i lived this pain
maybe i was never as smart as i thought
maybe we could never be as good as we want
maybe you just didnt need me enough
maybe we’re too clever to be fallin’ in love like this,
like this
secrets told in the silence of my sinso let you go and i watch you leave
and i hold my breath so you dont hear me scream
when you walk away
but the words are only in my head
its not what i said
its what i didnt say
and im the one who loses in the end
